


all the words left unsaid

by zzleepy



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Canon Compliant, Feels, Getting Back Together, Hurt and comfort, M/M, dont kill me, lapslock, we love pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 08:57:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21159011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzleepy/pseuds/zzleepy
Summary: seungyeon was always good with words, but with seungwoo, all the words seem to disappear. he often says nothing at all, but seungwoo would always know. he never needed to hear it, because he already knows.and even after they end, seungyeon still haven’t found the right words, but seungwoo could no longer understand his silence.





	all the words left unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> i love angst in this household i love pain lets cry together ;)
> 
> anyways third fic yay forgive any grammatical errors and if you can find anything to improve on, i’d appreciate if you can tell me. thanks luvs <3

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_seungyeon was always good with words. he can hold an entire interview with x1 even if it’s just him talking and he can talk for god-knows-how-many hours straight. x1 acknowledges that he was never a boring person, and they would find comfort in his warmth and friendliness. seungyeon was always cheerful, bright and loud, a contrast to everything seungwoo was._

__

_if seungyeon was bright hot air balloons and amusement parks, seungwoo was quite tranquil. he was a calm wave on the ocean, a cool sea breeze. his skin is often cold, a temperature that easily eases seungyeon, like cold milk in a hot afternoon, like ice pops in a summer day. while seungyeon induces chaos in the group, crashing onto them like fireworks in a cold, windy night, to seungwoo, he was nothing like that. seungyeon becomes raw, real; stripped off the pressure of having to be happy all the time even when he isn’t._

__

_but when it comes to seungwoo, seungyeon never finds the right words. he often leaves everything to silence, to gentle caressing of hair, to warm smiles and soft looks to tell seungwoo everything. seungyeon would never tell him what he wants, but when he needs it, seungwoo would pin him down, cage him into his embrace and hold him as if answering a prayer, like he has heard everything seungyeon wants in all the unspoken words he never says._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


seungyeon sat on the fence enclosing an empty field, basking in the warmth of the sunset. the smell of land lingers around like the ghosts of their past, the years they have spent sitting on this spot to breathe fresh air after tremendous practice. it has been a year since they ended, and it’s only a year left until they go back to their previous groups. after months passed, nothing has changed between them. seungwoo no longer touches seungyeon, he no longer holds him, pulls him into a kiss in empty dressing rooms. he no longer feels seungwoo, but he still remembers everything. he remembers every nook and cranny of seungwoo’s body, the coldness of his hands and the warmth of his breath, his sturdy chest and soft fingers, combing along his hair and intertwining with his. seungyeon remembers how every bit of his touch sets him aflame, like burning bonfire in a cold forest. 

but nothing has changed in the silence between them. seungyeon never found the right words even until now, and all he still gives seungwoo is silence, and how seungwoo wishes he could understand it, but he couldn’t. he doesn’t hear anything anymore, and if seungyeon is even shouting the silence now, pleading to him through his constant sighs and breaths, he’s frustrated that he can no longer hear it. no matter how hard he listens, it was as if he had become numb, numb to the feelings seungyeon wants him to feel.

but maybe, there wasn’t really any. maybe this silence no longer means anything. it’s empty, maybe seungyeon has nothing left to give him anymore.

”hyung.”

as seungyeon broke the silence, seungwoo turned his head, swaying his water bottle lazily. droplets of water from the moisture of the bottle dripped all over his hands, making it colder than ever, a little too cold to hold seungyeon once again.

”hm?”

”i don’t know what to feel.”

neither did seungwoo, and it was inevitable. it has been a year since they were alone, and even in their usual spot where they used to spend afternoons together. it was as if destiny pulled them back together, waiting earnestly for a moment when they suddenly felt the urge to go back to their home— to each other. their hearts were filled with feelings they couldn’t explain, like old, unread letters piled in a mailbox, like washed out clothes and unanswered calls. the ghosts of who they used to be dance around them, mercilessly dragging their past back into their present. 

”what happened, hyung?”

”to what?”

”to us?”

for the first time, seungwoo was at loss for words. he was finally the one who struggled to find the right words, and he thought that maybe, maybe there isn’t any. maybe in this moment, there aren’t any words left to say. maybe silence can say everything seungwoo needs to say best.

”hmm...”

seungwoo dropped his head, as if he could find the answers on the ground. he fiddles with his water bottle, as if in search for the right words in the coldness of the water.

”i tried to save you.”

”from what?”

seungyeon looked at him earnestly, almost pained. it was as if he already knows what seungwoo would say, and wishes he doesn’t.

_”from the future.”_

their contract as members of x1 was like a time bomb, knowing awfully too well when and where it will explode, where it will inevitably end. surely there are many things in life that is inevitable, and although they wished the contract wasn’t, it was. it was inescapable, and seungwoo believes that he’ll spare seungyeon from a lot of pain if he broke it off a year ago, so he did.

what he never knew was all the pent up feelings that piled up within seungyeon for a year, and all the overflowing sea of words seungyeon wanted to say, but never got the chance to. it was as if all of it is spilling right now, through the deafening silence diffused between them.

”what if i was never saved?”

buckets of tears threatened to fall from seungyeon’s eyes as his voice cracked. he sounded so devastated, broken, and how seungwoo wished he could reach out and hold him back together again like he used to, but his hands now are a little too cold for seungyeon. a little too unfamiliar, too late for saving.

”what if we fought?”

”seungyeon.”

”what if we never let go?”

_”seungyeon.”_

seungwoo looked at seungyeon with stern eyes, as if silencing him through them. seungwoo could hear the sound of his heart breaking, like glass shattering.

”i did that for us. i don’t want to destroy you.”

”but you already did.”

_i’m sorry._

”did you get tired of holding me together?”

_i’d gladly hold you again if i could._

”was i not enough to make you stay?”

_you were so much more than i am._

“do you not love me anymore?”

_i still do._

seungwoo found all the right words like he always does, but he chose not to say them. seungwoo swallowed all the words that threatened to leave him, along with the love too heavy for his hold.

”this is going to hurt you so much.”

seungyeon is now a crying mess, and seungwoo held back the urge to kiss away his tears.

”a future with me will hurt you so much.”

”then hurt me.”

seungyeon was spilling desperation all over his face, and seungwoo feels how painful it was. his conviction was starting to waver, and he was only a step away to pulling seungyeon back to him.

”break me, i don’t care.”

”seungyeon, you don’t understand.”

”do i have to?”

seungyeon reached out to seungwoo, grabbing his cold wrist tightly, as if he was going to slip away from his hold.

”all i know is that if i don’t have you back, _i’ll break_.”

_stop._

”don’t give up, hyung.”

_i’m sorry._

”don’t give me up.”

_i’m sorry._

_”please.”_

seungyeon dropped on his knees, his grip still tight around seungwoo’s wrist, so tight that he was starting to shake, desperately keeping seungwoo from leaving. seungwoo knew that seungyeon will, in no way, let go of his hold, even if he was struggling to keep himself together, from falling apart.

with the silence that said everything there was left to say, seungwoo tipped seungyeon’s chin to face him and kissed his tears away. he gave seungyeon a smile that will be etched in his memory for as long as he’s alive.

seungwoo is tired of playing safe. he’s tired of letting the future draw his life for him, and so he has now chosen to drag his life to where he wants to go.

once again seungwoo, has chosen to gamble, to _trust_.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“you still look beautiful.”

”of course i do.

seungwoo brushed his fingers across seungyeon’s soft hair. it was a feeling he missed so much, like marshmallows and cotton. the light of the moon peeked through the curtains of seungwoo’s room, illuminating his lover sleeping on the space on his bed like he used to.

”i never knew i could hold you in my arms like this again.”

seungyeon hummed a familiar melody, with a smile that can be heard in his tune.

”i’m not even sure if im allowed to do this. what if this is wrong?”

”what if this is not what i should have done? what if this is not the best for you?”

seungyeon looked up at seungwoo, eyes firm. he caressed seungwoo’s cold face, easing all his worries away.

”nobody can decide whether someone else’s love is right or wrong.”

”i don’t even care if they tell me this is wrong.”

_”because i trust how i feel, and i know it’s not.”_

seungwoo can feel his sadness all washing away, vaporizing into thin air. he can feel himself coming back, living again, like leaves growing back, leaves showered with rain after a dry season.

”have you always been this good with words?”

seungyeon just breathed out a laugh in response, pulling himself closer to seungwoo. his cold skin, still setting him ablaze like it used to, like it was a feeling etched across his skin. seungwoo showed a warm smile, much more beautiful than all the sunsets they spent watching together.

there was a calm silence between them that held so much feelings, saying a year’s worth of all the words left unsaid.

”i love you.”

seungyeon doesn’t say anything like he used to, but seungwoo doesn’t need it, the silence says it loud and clear.

_i love you too._

**Author's Note:**

> i love you for reading but pls dont kill me if i hurt u im deeply sorry
> 
> hit me up @hyeongjuwu_


End file.
